Critical Response #1

Christina Ledesma
Advance Fiction Writing
Professor Barnstone
Critical Response #1
February 24, 2009
Critical Response to Nightmares by Ben Mitchell
After reading the story “Nightmares” by Ben Mitchell I thought that he had a great concept and vision that he was trying to portray in his story. I have read a number of Ben’s poetry and short fiction and I think he has a great way of using language and making his material sound real. I think Ben’s story is off to a good start; however I do think that he could have a better balance in his story if he added dialogue with descriptions. I like how he starts his story within the mind of the narrator who is having the nightmare, but I also think it would be interesting if he had added some dialogue around his character Jason. If he did this he could explain who Jason is and how he is an important figure in this story. In the third paragraph of the story I get a little confused about the relationship the narrator has with Jason. I also confused about how Jason and his parents die in the story. I think it would be a great idea if Ben elaborated on this part of his story and added more detail. Overall, I think Ben has some good material here that can be re-written into a great story. I understand that this story was written based on a bad dream that he had. And I think he needs to take this bad dream and turn into a real story that will appeal to his reader. Also in the ending of the story the reader is aware that the narrator was dreaming, I think Ben should ignore the fact that this story was based on a dream and re-write it as if it was a real life experience.