Memoir

Memoir

By: Matt Carroll

 

It says take one daily as needed.

            I stepped off the train with my briefcase in hand. It’s funny how such an item fits perfectly in my hand and conceals my secrets, but it was a beautiful day and that’s something I wouldn’t forget. I missed my wife. I haven’t seen her in days because she’s away on business or something like that.

            The sights and sounds of the city are worth remembering. The buses pass so closely to the sidewalk I walk down. There are people on their phones or with earphones in their ears, text messaging, walking briskly in the cool morning air.

            The double doors to my office open when I step in front of them. I’m an important man and I get to walk right past security. I smile as I walk to the private executive elevator. It crawls up the side of the building and I’m enclosed inside able to look out the glass case at the people below. That’s worth remembering.

            The doors of the elevator open to the busy offices on the top floor. I smile as I walk by grabbing a cup of coffee as I go. Brittany is working. She is my secretary. Tall, brunette, emerald green eyes, fresh out of college, and I’m having an affair with her. I am ashamed and wish it was something I could forget.

            “Good morning Mr. Walsh.” Her smile is subtle like a secret we only know. I smile back ashamed and at the same time thinking about her in ways I wouldn’t want my wife to discover.

            The rest of the office begins to settle down into their offices and the situation unfolds to where Brittany is the only person that can hear my voice.

            “Dinner tonight?” I asked her.

            “Yes, at my place.” She insisted. I smiled, and once I turned I stepped funny causing me to drop my briefcase to the side.

            It crashed to the floor with the contents splashing everywhere on the floor. Brittany came from behind her desk and helped me gather the folders and papers scattered across the floor. I started to pile the papers back into the case when Brittany came across an orange prescription bottle that read: Lethologica, take one daily as needed.

            “What’s this?” She asked me.

            “It’s just a prescription my doctor gave me for stress.” She cradled the bottle in her hand and gave it back to me. I shamefully tucked it away in my briefcase and walked towards my office. I couldn’t explain why I was sweating and panting. I sat down at my desk staring across the desk that had books and papers lying across it. There was so much paper on my desk I forgot what everything was for.

            Lethologica. I forgot what the pills were for, but I was certain that when a moment came that I needed to take the prescribed pill as needed I would take it as recommended.

            I did some work and kept my mind occupied until lunch.

            Brittany and I went across the street to the park and ate our sandwiches feeding the crust to the birds. I felt like I was in high school playing hooky. I felt guilty and at the same time it was invigorating.

            “Are you staying for the night?” She asked me.

            “I can’t, just in case my wife comes back.” Brittany frowned and tossed another piece of the crust as we watched the pigeons eat it.

            “You know she’s not coming back.”

            I smiled at her. She was young and she couldn’t understand what we were doing, but I did like being around her. It was like she filled a void my wife now couldn’t.

            Worked ended and the office was empty except for us. We took separate taxis to her apartment.

We opened a bottle of white wine and the guilt started to crawl into my heart. We started to kiss after dinner and one thing became another until I was lying next to her in the early hours of the morning. We had work tomorrow and my wife could be coming home at any moment.

            “Brittany, I have to go.” I whispered into her ear. She rolled over and faced me.

            With a groggy whisper she spoke.  “I wish for one night you would stay.” She smiled at me.

            “I know, but my wife.” I kissed her forehead and headed towards the street to call a taxi.

            On the drive home there were plenty of nice things to remember. The way the fog hit the taxi. The way the mist drifted over the tall pines that lined my driveway.

            The driveway was empty. The lights were off in the entire house. It looked empty and cold.

            I opened the door to my taxi, grabbed my briefcase, paid the cabby, and watched it drive away until the headlights disappeared. For the second time today I dropped the briefcase sending all the contents scattering over my perfectly manicured grass. I reached for the papers and putting them back in the case.

            I reached for a manila folder and papers fell out. They looked important.

            My eyes scanned across the paperwork. My heart fluttered faster and faster. I began to sweat. My breath grew faster.

            They were divorce papers over two months old. My wife filed divorce against me citing a “No-Fault” divorce.

            I saw the pills and suddenly remembered what they were for. Lethologica: a pill meant for targeting and eliminating bad memories you hope to forget. I took one pill as needed as prescribed.

            I woke up the next morning.

            I wondered when my wife would return. I missed her and I haven’t seen her in days because she’s away on business or something like that. I also had to find a way to keep the affair I’ve been involved with for the past three weeks under wraps. I grabbed my briefcase as I stepped off the train and headed toward work noting all the things worth remembering like the people walking down the street.