Anti-Story Story

TREE
by Nate Kamiya

It was a dark and stormy night. The tangled branches of an ancient oak scratched against the window, as if trying to break the pane, reach through the glass, and crush the rumpled writer busy destroying the English language. The oak sighed, its extremities creaking. The cold made it stiffer, and the rain was making its trunk warp. Maybe it would become the pages for the author’s book. The grass hadn’t been trimmed in years, and it made its roots itch. If the rain kept up like it had been the grass would all be drowned, and then there would be no point in trimming it. The tree fixed two knotted eyes on the gothic pile sitting next to it. That damned writer and his dilapidated Victorian monstrosity. Didn’t he have any idea? The Oak Tree had known the shingles and framing for the east side of the building. The whole thing was a cemetery, a perverted cathedral of bones and innards, a hollow mockery of the thing growing in its yard—and the Oak Tree had to stare at it every day. Fucking humans. Next time one of them was close enough it would drop an acorn on their head.

story#10

College
Pack your things. Bring your favorite everythings. The jeans that make your butt look good from all angles. The jacket that goes with every imaginable outfit you could put together. Your house slippers that through the years have been molded to fit your feet just the right way. The pictures of your best friends, Jessica and Sydney, whom you promised to call daily so that nothing will change between the three of you, not even something like going to college. Leave Mr. Fuzzy at home, you’re too old for stuffed animals. Don’t forget your party dresses, makeup and hair products. They’ll get plenty of use the next four years.
Arrive at school. Unload the minivan that your parents used to drive eight hours to drop you off at school. Carry your things up the stairs and wish that you had chosen a school that actually had elevators. Use your new key to unlock the room that you will be living the next nine months out of. Meet your roommate and her parents. Smile and be polite because first impressions are important. Find out that she has already picked the less squeaky bed and the desk with the working desk light. Move your things anyway there’s nothing you can do about it now. Unpack. Say good bye to your parents. Freedom at last! Meet the rest of the girls on your floor. Most seem nice. Stay up all night talking to your new floor-mates and finally go to sleep at four in the morning.
Wake up and go to your first college classes ever. Walk to class and keep an eye out for college hotties, they’ll be plentiful, after all its college. Get to class. Didn’t see any attractive men, yet but keep looking, you’ll find them soon enough. Talk to a couple classmates, it would suck going through college without friends so make some. Don’t forget to befriend upperclassmen too. If they like you, they’ll invite you to their parties, where there will undoubtedly be cute boys present. Text your roommate so you don’t have to eat lunch by yourself. Try the cafeteria food and force yourself to swallow it. Be sure to try a different dining hall for dinner. Talk to your roommate. Find out that she was also one of the popular girls in her high school. Tell her about your friends and how inseparable the three of you were. Remember to call them later.
Time passes. Get to know your floor-mates better and start hanging out with them more. Join a couple clubs; it’s good to get involved. Look into the Greek life offered. Ask around to see which sororities are the slutty ones and which ones are more dignified and pick one in between to pledge to. Humiliate yourself during the pledging process, that’s what it’s meant to do. Meet new people and party with your new sisters. Start flirting and hooking up with a couple upperclassmen boys, but don’t be too slutty. The school is big, but not that big.
Don’t ignore your mother’s phone calls. She misses you and cares about you a lot. Ask for more money. New clothes and alcohol are expensive, but don’t tell her that. Don’t forget to go to class every now and then. If you feel like you’re not going to make it through the whole lecture, sit in the back of the lecture hall. The professor only sees the first seventy or so faces in front anyway. Try to bribe the TAs so that you won’t have to do the homework, but if that doesn’t work, find someone else to copy off of. Don’t forget to call Jessica and Sydney later, it’s been a while since you’ve talked to them or returned a text message.
Meet a hot guy at a party. He asks for your number, give it to him, but don’t look too pleased about it. Two days later he asks you out on a date; before you know it the two of you are official. He’ll say nice things to you about your hair and your body. You practically move into his apartment. He’ll be the best and only serious boyfriend you’ve ever had. You two will spend almost every waking hour together and have quickies between classes. Don’t forget to still hang out with your sorority sisters; they’re starting to get upset that you’re not spending time with them anymore. Time passes.
Try to talk to your roommate. Things have been bumpy between you two since you and your boyfriend have gotten serious. Offer to lend her one of your green tops so she doesn’t get pinched on Saint Patrick’s Day. Come back to the room later that evening to find it laying in your dresser. Your roommate never does the laundry in the middle of the week. Pick up the shirt, smell it, then toss it in your hamper to wash it later.
Party with your sisters but leave your boyfriend at home this time, it’s time to spend some quality time with your girls. Have fun but miss your boyfriend. Go back to his apartment and try to be intimate with him but tonight he’s not interested. He won’t admit it but you figure out that he’s mad that you went out without him. Go to sleep. Call your mother and ask for more money. Write a note to yourself to call Jess and Syd after class. Go to class.
More time passes, your boyfriend becomes more accepting of your afternoons spent shopping and movie watching with your friends, which is good but he seems to be getting less affectionate. Maybe this is what all couples go through after the honeymoon phase is over. He says he’s going home to Connecticut to celebrate his mom’s birthday with the family and will be gone for a couple days. Feel hurt for a while because he didn’t invite you to meet his family, but understand that there will be time for that later.
Spend more time with your floor-mates who you’ve also neglected. Get in a fight with your roommate because you found out that she had stained one of your favorite shirts when she wore it without asking. Looking through your drawers, you realize that you’re missing more shirts. Get frustrated and leave the room. You need time and space from other people right now. Go to your boyfriend’s apartment and use the spare key he hides in the backyard to let yourself in. To your surprise you see that he left the wrapped present that you helped him pick out for his mother sitting on the table when you walk in. Shaking your head at his forgetfulness you decide that you should give him a call to inform him that he forgot it, in case he doesn’t already know, and to hear his voice again. From your phone, you can hear his ringing on the other end of the line, normal enough. But you also hear his ringtone coming from the bedroom. The phone is silenced and it goes to his voicemail box. Hanging up the phone you walk over and open up his bedroom door. On top of him is some girl, whose face is hidden by her drapery of blonde hair, is rocking and moaning with pleasure. They both look up at you, the intruder. You recognize the girl’s face to be that of his ex-girlfriend of whom he’s shown you pictures. Before anyone has a chance to say anything, you flee the room and the apartment. How could you have been so stupid. It all made sense.
Go to your sorority sisters’ house. Tell them about what happened with your roommate and your boyfr — ex-boyfriend. They tell you they’re going to have a party tonight and that you should go. They’ll let you wear one of their dresses if you’d like. So you go. You drink a lot; to forget and show yourself and everybody else who’s watching you that you can have more fun without him.
Wake up the next morning and feel shitty. You had way too much to drink. Time passes. You really should call Jessica and Sydney, they’re probably starting to get angry with you. Its been two months since the break up and things have gotten better. Your roommate has gotten better about respecting your things and your space and your floor-mates are always there when you need to talk. You start actually doing your homework, no more bribing the TA. A month passes. And without your period. What happened that night? Could you be…no. you’re probably just stressed out with school and friends. You’ll get it next month. But you don’t. Shit. What are you going to do?

Z. Goldstein - Crit. Response #5

The Model by Bernard Malamud

This story plays on notions of control within the context of inter-personal events. In the beginning the old artist (or so we are led to believe) displays levels of control as an employer to his employees often does. He is paying for the privilege of painting a beautiful nude female form. The model will be paid in kind and thus, it is a typical power-exchange relationship defined by a transaction for goods or services rendered. The model lends her body to the old man for purposes (supposedly) of artistic expression.
The model is a keen observer in this tale and soon she figures out that the old man calling himself “artist” may be disingenuously promoting the façade of his painting simply in order to feast his eyes on the nubile young flesh of an innocent maiden. The author leaves it rather ambiguous as to whether her suspicions are entirely correct or valid but nonetheless we know that the old man is not a ‘real’ professional artist and thus he may have ulterior motives bordering on sexual perversion.
Control is exchanged when the model calls him out, exposing him and questioning his true reasons for gazing upon her naked body. Now she has the power and the ‘artist’ is on the defensive. It is a very realistic and believable portrayal of a power exchange scenario, taking a simple premise built upon human conceptions of sexual need, desperation, fruitless desire for companionship, and fear of death in solitude. It makes one contemplate what the old man is going through and perhaps garner a bit of sympathy for his situation. However, it is understandable why the model reacted as she did.

Critical Response #1 (short story)

Christina Ledesma
Advanced Fiction Writing
Professor Barnstone
Critical Response #1 (Short Story)
March 17, 2009
How to Date a Browngirl, Blackgirl, Whitegirl, or Halfie by Junot Diaz
I really enjoyed the story “How to Date a Browngirl, Whitegirl, or Halfie” by Junot Diaz. After reading this story it was very clear to me how the author used a lot of detail from his character’s surroundings to tell the story. From the authors details we are aware the narrator’s ethnicity, culture, and poverty. One of the most important details that stood out to me was the “government cheese”. In the story the author gives a brief paragraph about the things the narrator does around his house before his dates come over. One of them is hiding the government cheese in the refrigerator. Just by this line the narrator’s economic status is revealed which is an important detail in the story. He moves the cheese behind the milk if a girl from the Terrance comes over and if it is a girl from the Park or Society Hill he puts it way in the cabinet so she cannot see it. Throughout the whole story we are given specific details to get to know the narrator. This story help me realized the possible objects that I could use as a writer in my own stories to help describe the background of my characters. The author of this story use many detailed objects in the story to help describe what type of person his character is. I also thought this story was very funny. And I think the author did a great job of grasping my attention as a reader.

Critical Response #4

My Short Story About the Homecoming Dance

I really enjoyed reading Matt’s My Short Story About the Homecoming Dance(Too long of a title?). It was a very simple story line that he transformed into something extremely witty and funny. I liked how throughout the entire story, we feel like we’re in the writer’s head. I felt like everything that the main character was writing down, we got to see the whole process of it. We get a vague feel of who this character is and what he’s all about. The only insight into him is that he is the captain of the football team and very unsure of himself. He doesn’t seem to have a lot of confidence when it comes to girls, which in my opinion is extremely odd considering he’s head of the football team.
I liked how the whole story self analyzed itself. Personally I had a hard time coming up with an idea with a story that could do this so I applaud Matt for being able to do this. My only problem with this story is the ending. He gets a text message from his ex, and instantly forgets about the girl he’s been trying to woo all night. I guess this could be another insight into his character that he is shallow and doesn’t quite have his priorities all straight. I think the end is a little abrupt for me and I feel like there’s no closure. However, I think Matt could do a lot with this story in expanding it with more detail.

Critical Response 4: Matt Carroll

Colleen Mundy
Dr. Tony Barnstone
ENGL 302
March 17, 2009

Critical Response to Matt Carroll
“My Short Story About The Homecoming Dance (Too Long of a Title?)”
I like how the idea of questioning the writing is brought up right away in the title. Asking whether or not the title is too long brings the reader into the idea of being addressed right away. I also like the irony of making the title being “My SHORT Story” when the title is so long, and then calling yourself out on the length. That really pulls the reader into the meta narrative.
My only real problem with the way that this story is set up is that the meta narrative sections are used, or at least have the effect on me, as being more of a personal debate for the author. It seems that he is questioning his own writing more than addressing the reader at many points. He questions punctuation and word choice and makes it seem like he is really just talking to himself about his writing.
For me, the strongest points are when the author is being cynical and sarcastic. In these moments, for example talking about what kind of character he is being turned into and the Nicolas Sparks references, the author shows more interaction with the reader. I think the best revisions to this story would be to use more of these kind of techniques and less about the punctuation and actual writing.

Critical Response to Allyson's story

Critical Response to Allyson Yuen’s Memory

By: Matt Carroll

           

The first part I really like about this story is the ambiguity because it fits so well with the theme of the story. The memories are jumbled because it’s a story being told by a person with a memory problem. That is conveyed by Allyson in this story very well.

            One problem I see with the story is the sequence of memories that lead up to a great ending. I think if the memories, of the sequence of events, was worked on a little more they could lead to the great ending.

            I think Allyson did a great job of pointing out things kids really do worry about at that age, like the multiplication tables and the Storm Trooper action figures. The writing reflects that of a young child with a memory problem.

            I think the ending was the best part of the story. I like the ending about the mother hiding an affair and explaining to the child that it’s only their memory problem. I like this because it makes me wonder if this child even has a memory problem, or if it was something invented by the child and the mother after being caught in the affair. Did the mother make the child believe they were sick to cover up her affair? I like this tricky ending and if this story was expanded and more detail was put into the timeline of events it could turn out to be something really interesting for a longer piece.