Response to Allyson’s Long story
Overall I enjoyed this story because I could relate to it being in college. We’ve all had those nights where fast food sounds absolutely amazing at two in the morning. My only problem with this story was where it begins. I think there is too much back story going on with the three characters. I’m not saying to completely cut out the back stories because they are key in understanding why these people are the way they are. I’m just saying that you should intertwine the stories into the story more than just blatantly putting them at the beginning. I think you should actually start the story in the car. That’s the one scene that really caught and held my attention. The first time you wrote this, I liked it but I wanted to know about the whole car situation. I was really excited when I got to read it again, but the car scene seemed the same and I want to know more.
I also think that the ending could be a little more discrete. Even if you want to teach your reader a moral, don’t make it so obvious; it sort of reminds me of a childhood book that ends with “and the moral of the story is…” Overall I really enjoyed your characters. I feel like you really got to know them and got inside their heads; but it might be kind of cool to get into the head of the driver to put in what kinds of things that he has stashed in his car. Maybe some kind of weapon because he’s a very untrusting person?
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