The vampire-related areas of the story are very well thought-out, with a lot of detail, and an entire social structure that follows a logic within the story that I can easily buying into. In a lot of other areas, the story feels a bit vague, and while I think all of the plot-point and the action of the story is very compelling and makes for interesting reading, I’m having trouble getting an image of the world in which this is happening. I know that it’s taking place in a city with a college and a party scene at night (for some reason I think of Europe, I don’t know why), but I don’t know what city, or even what country/continent. This could be a good device for the story (the vampires could be in any town, on any continent, maybe right next door), but right now it’s too vague, and I’m having trouble believing in the town as a real place.
I also wonder how the story might be different if it were told from the 3rd person instead of the 1st. Right now, as a reader, I’m privileged to all of the thoughts in the protagonist’s head, and I get dropped into the story with an understanding of all the relationships and rituals of this vampire world, which doesn’t leave a lot of mystery. On the other hand, if I was seeing the scene at the bar as a casual observer, I’d have a lot more questions about what was going on, and be a lot more frightened by the strange behavior from the protagonist and his posse as he tried to pickup a girl at a club.
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