Critical Response #2-Christina

Christina Ledesma
Advanced Fiction Writing
Professor Barnstone
Critical Response #2
March 3, 2009
Critical Response to A Box of Chocolate by Allyson Yuen
After reading “A Box of Chocolate” I felt that this story had a lot of potential. I found the beginning of the story a little boring. I felt that the author could make it more interesting if she started off with a better introduction. The first two lines does not lure the reader in and I think she could find something better that would make her reader eager to read her story. In the second paragraph, I also felt that the author’s language in the story could be more descriptive. For example, the first sentence in the second paragraph is a perfect opportunity for the author to elaborate on this description “He reached into the box with his eyes closed and grabbed a treat, awaiting the burst of chocolate to come”. Instead of showing the reader what the chocolate tastes like or what it is made out, of she tells her reader instead and it is not a very effective description for her reader to visualize. However, in the second paragraph I do like the transition. I like the idea that author has the different taste of chocolates as a repeated symbol throughout her story. I also like how each chocolate sparks a vivid memory in the characters mind. Throughout the remaining paragraphs this transition seems to become more unclear and begins to become confusing for the reader. When the author edits this story she should probably look at a different way to distinguish a better transition from paragraph to paragraph.