critical response#5

“If Only” by Kady Oliker
I really like the way you chose to write your story. Using multiple narrators was a clever idea and allowed me as the reader to understand the story and the motives of all three characters without much confusion. I have a couple questions about the logistics of some of the details in the story but they can be easily fixed. We find out in Kendal’s narration that her lover or ex-lover is leaving her for another girl and that if she, Kendal, can’t have Carter then she doesn’t want anyone to have him. I thought from that line that she would be planning on killing Carter but we find out that she’s planning on going to “her house,” the other woman’s house, which is interesting as it builds tension in the story.

The slight overlap in what is happening with the switching narration is good. And then from there I got a good picture of what is happening and what each character is feeling as the story continues to be told. We find out that Sophia still loves Carter even though he left her five years ago, that Linda, whom I think we can deduct is Sophia’s mother, still likes Carter as well so that they must have had a decent break up, and that Carter is about to propose. These details seem a little fairytale like and a little implausible but it would probably be less so with a little more explaining about what happened five years ago and how the two left things. That’s what I’m really curious about. I like the concept of the story and the narration style. I would just like a little more clarification.