Critical Response to Old Henry

Critical Response to Old Henry

Matt Carroll

            The first thing I want to say about this story is the humor is delivered very well. The part about the mystery man being a “waitress” is very funny, as well as the “soggy balls” line, and the very end. I thought the ending was very good.

            I think the biggest thing holding back this story is the format. We discussed some of the problems in class, and I think once they are worked out this can be a really good story to expand on. One idea I thought about was maybe making the friend’s dialogue part of the story. Here’s an example:

            “Well, actually I have two things to tell you.”

            Of course you do.

           

            Instead of putting quotations around her dialogue make it like she’s an interactive journal writing back. I know this was the direction you were heading towards and it’s only a suggestion, but that may help. By making Lacey the only person “speaking” you get that journal-to-person feeling.

            I do think the words traded back and forth between the characters works. I think the story can be improved if the characters were doing something. Some of the suggestions in class were to have the friend cooking when Lacey walks in, and there were others, but overall I think the environment needs a little more description to help enhance the story.

            I think this is a great story! The biggest flaw is the format and once that’s taken care of I think people can really learn to appreciate the humor in it. If you wanted to expand on this story and make it longer I would suggest to use more dialogue because that’s something I think you are very good at.